woo.... been farking slack lately, for the first time since I started this quest I took several days off in a row... I think 3 or so, due to eating terribly I was actually 163~ kilos on the last day before I took my break so I expected to weigh somewhere around 165 when I returned, to my shock I weighed 161. I'm sure there is an explanation for this but it is not obvious to me. The reason I took my break was not laziness, it was that I hurt one of my knees recently and was quite sore to walk on and so I thought I didn't want to make it worse so I stayed off it and now it feels fine - this is the second time something like this has happened in the last 2 months but the last time was due to a bang on my knee and I just worked through it sore as it was. I know that for what you want in life you have to work hard, right now what I want is to be close to my ideal weight... this ranks up in the top 2 things I want in my life and so; work hard I will.

I really really really want a job and I am prepared to work harder than I ever have at it. I have made money doing this and that over the years but I have really only ever had one 'proper' job. I worked at a printers as a general hand/storeman, this was casual where some weeks I would work 5 days and others I would work one. I got paid next to nothing and I worked harder than anyone in the place, it was quite physically demanding and I always got dirty looks from the head printer when I went out for a cigarette and serious it pissed me off.... I wasn't skilled in the trade so sure I would earn less but printers stand around 90% of the time doing fucking nothing where I was constantly working all day. I was earning $10 and hour where I'm sure the printers were making 3-4 times that for standing around watching the presses. I have never had a full time job and I know if I got one I would have more money coming in every week to keep me motivated to do it, every payday would be like christmas for the first little bit then I'm sure the novelty of actually having money will ware off but at that point I will be happy and committed to keep going.

the time for change is upon us, always.