Fuckit I am over trying to salvage shit that is beyond repair.... I've tried to talk nice about my father but the truth is he never did enough to enable me to move forward in life, he did just enough for whatever... Maybe in his mind it was sufficient but it wasn't and in the interest of being fair maybe I didn't do enough to let him know what I needed but again there is another side to that, anytime I ever asked him for anything I was made to feel like he hated me for it and this was a running theme; only on the odd occasion it was simple and this was only when I was asking for small things. I hate this fucking life and I hate my family fucking bullshit and the backstabbing, the cuntery that follows with it and I know this might sound like a normal family but I assure you it is far from it. What can you do when you mother has fucked you up at every turn without consideration for me, what can you do when your sister tells lies about you, lies that she knows will be believed by her father and what can you do when your father never believes you when defending yourself against the shit.

What you can do is forget them, forfuckingget them all forever, stand the fuck up and move the fuck on. I will have my own family, a family of friends and someday a family of my own and then I'm sure these people will want to know me but they will pay for their cuntery and I will have nothing to do with them. fuck their mediocrity, they can have it and I will have my success and share it with only the deserving, only those who have not slighted me repeatedly. I have the power, I know this; now it's time to wield it.

I have learned a lot of lessons on how to be a bad parent and one or two on how to be a good one, all the inadequacies my parents had have been a guide on what to do to be a good parent and so I know that I will be a good father to my future children. silver lining found.